“Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.” — Unknown
Friendship provides emotional support, companionship and a sense of belonging. As we grow, major life events like marriage, parenthood, or relocation often shift our interests and priorities. While balancing work, family, and personal time, our friendships tend to evolve from frequent meet-ups to meaningful exchanges through calls and texts.
This has certainly been true in my case. I moved away from home at around sixteen to pursue higher education, and since then, I’ve continued relocating in search of better opportunities and career growth. I’ve lived in five cities, both in India and abroad, and have now moved to a sixth (though I’m not sure if I’ll stay here or move again in the future).
In each city, I formed a new social circle, a mix of acquaintances, colleagues and a few close friends. You know a friendship is real when spending time with someone feels effortless and unconditional. Living away from home, I’ve come to realize that these circles often matter more than genetic ties. They’ve helped me cope with homesickness. That’s not to say I don’t miss my family, brothers and cousins; but spending time with these social circles has helped fill that emotional gap to some extent.
I first learned the difference between acquaintances and true friends during my college hostel days. There were people I interacted with casually during community work or group studies. Those interactions were often dull or routine. Our conversations rarely went beyond a quick “hi-hello” or “What’s up? All good?”
But with a few ‘real friends’, the connection was genuine. I’ve made countless memories with them that still make me smile. From movie nights and card games to endless discussions on random topics, from occasional fights and quick reconciliations to teasing lovebirds, finishing tutorials, preparing for exams, and sharing Maggi at 2 a.m., those moments were priceless. Even after just a few hours of sleep, we’d head out for spontaneous morning sports sessions, eat breakfast together and even share clothes, soaps, and deodorants under the motto: “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” We’d skip class to explore local food streets, go on trips, and try adventurous activities like river rafting and mountain climbing, without fear.
We dreamed big (though acted less), got caught up in mischief, and still managed to laugh through the most stressful situations. We even explored our spiritual sides and searched for our “other halves” (though none of us succeeded back then). Over time, our bonds grew stronger—but eventually, we realized that these moments wouldn’t last forever. Life was leading us to different crossroads.
As we moved on from college, our paths diverged in search of better opportunities. I relocated to Bangalore. In this new city where I began working, I joined a circle of colleagues who eventually became friends. This group was largely formed through similarities in socioeconomic status—a concept I recently learned is called homophily. I found comfort in engaging in professional conversations, sharing best practices, and navigating office politics. It was a decent social circle as we explored new restaurants, went to movies and occasionally grabbed beers in moderation.
Over time, it became harder to stay in touch with old college friends. We were scattered across different cities, working in different shifts and time zones. Work pressure caused our hobbies and life aspirations to drift apart. I also began to realize that I no longer shared many common topics of conversation with my college friends. As we approached our thirties, plans to settle down and start families began to take shape. We met occasionally, at convocations or on destination trips, and while we bonded in the same old way, time was limited. Daily giggles turned into weekly phone calls and the occasional shared jokes. Believe me, it’s not the best feeling, but sometimes, you just have to accept it.
After a few years of work experience, I moved to Europe to pursue higher studies. The experience was truly enriching, as I met a new set of people who were completely different in their approach to life and way of thinking. I began connecting with students from various nationalities—mainly from European, Asian, African, and South American countries—each with unique cultures and socio-economic backgrounds.
Forming friendships with them helped me break down stereotypes and prejudices. I learned to see individuals for who they are, rather than making assumptions based on cultural backgrounds. These diverse friendships fostered empathy by allowing me to see the world through others’ eyes.
However, there were challenges. Language barriers and different communication styles—such as gestures and slang—sometimes led to misunderstandings. Still, having international friends was worth it. It offered a wealth of benefits, from broadening my perspective to enhancing personal growth.
Finding fellow countrymen in a foreign land was a relief, mainly because of the ease of communication, shared cultural background, and familiar food. But even here, I noticed that age played a significant role in forming friendships. A 28-year-old guy can be friends with a 50-year-old family man, but they may not share the same opinions, schedules, or priorities. For me, it was about traveling and exploring cities, while a family man might prefer holidays with his spouse and children.
Age and social status start to influence friendships after a certain point. I ended up bonding with a group of guys and girls, mostly in their early thirties. It wasn’t a conscious choice based on social status, but rather a result of the circumstances around me. Regardless, this group became a lifeline during the COVID-19 pandemic. We held small, private gatherings where we cooked, danced, sang songs, and got hooked on the game Mafia. After the pandemic, we even planned trips near the Alps and celebrated life together.
But time kept moving, and we eventually parted ways in search of better opportunities. I found myself in a city four times smaller in size and population than the previous one. In this new place, I felt a bit alone, so I tried spending more time with colleagues, but those interactions felt temporary. The sense of togetherness faded once the moment passed. I believe it wasn’t just me; others in the group likely felt the same.
At my current workplace, I’ve noticed that those with more professional experience are often more supportive and generous with advice than younger colleagues. I’m not surprised—experience speaks volumes.
After several months of living in this city, I finally found a few people who were around my age, shared similar interests, and spoke the same language as I do. It was a rare combination, like spring after a long and gloomy winter. Our thoughts aligned, and we spent time together, visited the West Atlantic coast and explored several cities. We enjoyed discovering new cuisines and cafés, always finding excuses to meet up. Life felt beautiful until, once again, we each took our paths and moved in different directions.
All these experiences have taught me that while friend circles may not last forever, the moments do. My current social circle is largely shaped by my social status, job location, socioeconomic background, age and interests. Wherever I go next, I know I’ll find new people to connect with. But it still hurts not being able to talk to those with whom I’ve shared unforgettable memories. I’m hardly in regular contact with my real friends, whether from school, college or previous workplaces, but thinking of them still brings a smile to my face for no particular reason. I just hope they feel the same.
The last time I visited my hometown, I met a dear school friend at a public bank. We hadn’t spoken in years, yet the warmth and compassion in our conversation felt just the same.
Even when we form new friendships and social circles, we continue to miss our old friends. Some people may prioritize new connections for social status, career growth, or networking. But I long to return to the same playgrounds, the same snack spots, to watch movies together and laugh like we used to. It won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible.
Right now, I find myself in a transitional phase, trying to figure out how to take control of my life. I’ve decided to make an effort, not to keep building new social circles, but to reconnect with the friends I already have.